I've blown a few things in my day
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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