u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
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