I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
