Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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