I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
