It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
