I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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