I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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