Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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