Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
