so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
