I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
