I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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