That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
