I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
