Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
