Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize