I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
