I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
