thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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