New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
