I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
