Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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