Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
