Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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