i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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