saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
