ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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