Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize