Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
