Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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