so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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