I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
They left me at home... I'm a liability
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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