Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
