omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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