watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
