I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize