My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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