if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
