dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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