omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
