roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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