Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
