my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
