question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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