i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
