T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
They took my balls.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
