I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
