I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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