can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
