Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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