Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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