How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize