I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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