I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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