I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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