remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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