you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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