is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
