he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I think i got beer on your cat.
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