My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
