i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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