the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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