well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
