Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
