My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize