you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
