C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
