someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
