Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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