fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
