Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
