Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
