I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
