Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
