I queefed so loud it echoed.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
