I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
