your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
