Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
