My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Houston, we have a squirter
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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