Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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