i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
