Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
