sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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