apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
