I just saw a hot homeless man
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
