you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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