if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
