i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
