trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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