ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
