you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
