I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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