told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
