bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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