my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Best friends brother. Beat that.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
