had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Let's paint friendship bongs
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
