I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
