Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
