i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
