Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
