Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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