i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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