I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize