oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
