"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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