Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Bring me that man meat
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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