i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
