3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
