I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
