So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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