I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
