She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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