So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
