I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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